Як Ликпа

Этот небольшой отчет я составил примерно с пол года назад. Предлагаю читателям познакомиться с этим незамысловатым, но с юмором написанным произведением.

Наверное, вы меня спросите, зачем меня понесло на фабрику сушеного ячьего мяса – проходное туристическое место? Все просто: я люблю сушеное ячье мясо, этот вкусный и полезный продукт. Особенно он хорош, когда приготовлен правильным образом. Для этого нужно повесить ячье мясо под крышей дома в тот месяц, когда в Лхасе дуют наиболее сильные ветры, то-есть – в март месяц. Мясо, обдуваемое таким ветром, как бы запекается, и становится рассыпчатым, при этом вся кровь и прочие полезные субстанции остается внутри и высыхает. Такое мясо тибетцы делают для себя, и, конечно, его не сыскать в магазине. Последний раз такое мясо мне подгонял один из наших гидов, с которым мы впоследствии поругались на почве, как водится, денежных знаков, и источник вкусного и полезного продукта иссяк. Я не питал иллюзий по поводу магазинного мяса, но где-то в мозгу внутренний голос продолжал нашептывать “А вдруг…”

Фабрика ячьего мяса представляет собой ряд производственных помещений и магазин, по которому нужно передвигаться змейкой от входа к кассе. Это типичная планировка специализированного магазина, ориентированного на туристов, в Лхасе полно подобных мест: ячье мясо, тибетские лекарства, китайские лекарства и прочая ерунда, предназначенная для перекачивания денег из бумажников туристов в бумажники владельцев этих заведений.

Первом, что меня встретило меня в этом супермаркете, был ряд висящих сразу напротив входа, как бы это сказать поделикатнее… гм… Ладно, посмотрите на картинку, и догадайтесь сами, что это такое:

 

Ну конечно-же, вы правильно догадались, только стесняетесь назвать: это оно самое – як ликпа (གཡག་རླིག་པ།). Если вы думаете, что это что-то редкое и экзотическое, за чем нужно ехать специально на западную окраину города Лхасы, вы ошибаетесь. Высушенный половой член яка – продукт весьма известный и популярный в Китае, его можно приобрести даже на самой захудалой железнодорожной станции любого захолустного городка. А что? Очень даже удобно – купил, и в поезде его под пиво… совсем, как воблу. Просто здесь, в супермаркете города Лхаса, выбор половых членов просто шикарный. Каждый может подобрать себе ликпа нужных размеров и степени высушенности. Те, что на картинке выше, стоят 120$ за пол кило (на забывайте, что когда вы путешествуете в Китае, все цены на ценниках указаны за пол кило).

Магазин обслуживают молодые задорные девчонки, наперебой предлагающие на китайском и тибетском языках купить у них ячье мясо, ячьи пенисы и ячье сушеное молоко. Конечно, я не преминул представиться своим именем (Дорже Ликпа), чем привел девушек в немалый восторг. Они сразу пободрели, раскрепостились, и стали совать мне экзотический продукт, бодро перекрикивая друг друга: “Як ликпа!”, “Як ликпа!!!”. А одна даже стала признаваться мне в любви. Под конец девчонки даже пустились в пляс хороводом вокруг стойки с упакованными вакуумным образом в серебряную пленку пенисами. Было очень весело! Так весело, что я даже пустил слезу и забыл достать фотоаппарат, а когда я достал его девчонки брызнули врассыпную.

 

Потом мы минут десять играли в салочки или кошки-мышки, или не знаю как это называется. Одна, наиболее смелая, девушка взяв в руки упакованный в вакуум пенис яка подпрыгивала над стойкой, или высовывалась из-за угла, а ее товарки знаками показывали мне, где в следующий раз появится объект моей фотоохоты. Правда, удача мне не сопутствовала: ни одного стоящего кадра не получилось: удалось поймать только пол руки с серебряным пакетом с ликпа.

 

Но все равно настроение поднялось невероятно. Купив с пол-кило ячьего мяса, я покинул магазин и направился в сторону новостроек, туда, где можно поймать такси: теперь я знал, как я хочу провести остаток дня.

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